Danish Sermon

Swedish seal lifters, Scottish slug turners,

Latvian frog nudgers and Nigerian giraffe tippers agree,

If you rub the tum of the furry-pawed yum-yum

It stands on its head, and goes “hee”.

When you tickle the nose of a fluffy-eared yum-yum,

It curls up its toes and goes “hoo”.

Oyster spinners of Tashkent, cat wobblers of Nepal,

Owl bouncers of southern Peru, all say this is true.

Australian Koala sliders, Icelandic robin throwers,

Samoan lizard hoppers and brave mole pullers of Japan say

If you pat the bum of the wooly-backed yum-yum

It will roll on the ground and go “hey.”

Noble sloth pushers of Costa Rica,

Wise Irish butterfly sniffers,

The beautiful toad tappers of Bengal,

Virtuous Lebanese ladybird dusters,

Majestic Sudanese snake straighteners,

And tenderhearted Lithuanian worm blowers concur,

A yum-yum will go “hur” when you gently stroke its fur.

They may go “hur”, “hee”, or “hey”

And some, indeed, go “hoo”,

But I don’t propose to talk today

About what yum-yums do.

I will tell you that Jesus saves,

I will recommend that you do not sin,

But say nothing of how a yum-yum behaves,

When you caress its chin.

We will concentrate on the savior,

Not yum-yum behavior.

Wooly-backed, fluffy-eared, or with a furry-paws

Whether rolling around, upside down,

Or with curling toes, it is a fact, how yum-yums act

Is no concern of mine, nor should it be of yours.

And, yes, there is a baby yum-yum sitting on my head,

It nestles in my hair and I feed it cakes and bread,

However, consider what I’ve said,

The subject of yum-yums must be totally ignored,

Remember, calmness and prayer is the way of the Dane.

If that is not to your liking, don’t raise a clamour,

Just quietly praise the Lord,

Or, suddenly turn Viking and going totally insane

I will bash in your brains with my hammer.

And cut you to bits with my two-handed sword.